Building Self-Confidence

You can have all the tools you need to accomplish your goals, but if you do not believe in yourself you will fail.

I do not know how many times I’ve read that phrase in self-help manuals….and you know what I’ve been thinking every time? ” What a crock of s***!”. In the end, if the strategies they propose do not work, it’s your fault that you didn’t believe it enough? So they are all good! “.

That’s actually fairly true. The link between success and self-confidence is undeniable.

If you do not believe it, but especially if you do not believe in yourself, any effort will be in vain. In short, self-confidence (so-called self-confidence), is the terrain on which you build the castle of your successes: if this soil is fragile, inconsistent and muddy…your “castle” will crumble after a few drops of rain..

But there is good news: however much we may be convinced of the opposite, self-confidence is not innate;  it is one of the many mental qualities that we can develop, strengthen and increase by applying the right strategies. I have in mind at least 16 of these practical strategies to increase self-confidence. What are you saying, let’s take a look?

Practical strategies increase self-confidence

1. Keep your promises. We lose confidence in ourselves when we do not keep the promises we make for too long. On January 1st (or returning from vacation) we promise to get back in shape and inevitably we find ourselves a year later more fat and demotivated than ever. If you want to have greater self-confidence, make few promises to yourself, make them realistic and above all keep them.

2. Place a small goal and reach it. Many para-gurus argue that to achieve success in life we must set ambitious goals: no! If for too long you have posted goals that you have not reached punctually, giving yourself yet another impossible goal is the sure path to failure. The objectives only work if they help you to trigger a virtuous circle in which every goal achieved follows a reward that motivates you to achieve even more important goals: I call it the small algorithm of success. If you want to create this virtuous circle too, stop giving yourself goals in which you do not even believe: give yourself a small goal, a close goal in time, but do everything to achieve it.

3. Change a small habit. Speaking of small goals: do you want to go back and believe in yourself? Change your daily habit. Stop making a ton of New Years’ Resolutions.

Choose one, and only one small habit that you want to eliminate, change or establish; dedicate at least 30 days to it and move on to the next habit.

4. Exercise yourself . If you do not exercise habitually, here is the # 1 habit that will help you regain confidence in yourself and ultimately change your life. Exercising constantly is something that goes far beyond health, well-being, and fitness: sport is a school of life. Any physical activity requires resilience, determination, motivation. All that you learn between the machines of a gym, the pools of a swimming pool and the streets of a marathon can be found on the benches of the university or on the desk of your office. Exercise your muscles to strengthen your spirit.

5. Smile. Can you do something to solve your problems? Smile. Can you not do anything to solve them? Smile. In short, do not forget to smile: it is a simple gesture, as effective to improve your mood and give a shove to your self-confidence.

6. Apply the 3-minute rule. Sometimes it is damned enough to regain self-confidence; to be precise, in my experience, in some cases it may take 3 minutes or more to do some task that you think you can’t do.  Trying using a stopwatch when doing some task because seeing how little time you spent on them can boost your self-confidence.

7. Be grateful. I have already told you in the past about the power of gratitude. Yet too many people are still convinced that being grateful is a new age thing for poor gullible people. For five years now, every evening I write in my diary 3 things I have been grateful during the day: it has changed my life. If you learn to focus on what works in your life, instead of always finding someone or something to blame, it is inevitable that your self-confidence increases.

8. Concentrate on solutions. I’ll tell you a secret: we all have problems. I know that feeling the most unlucky human being in the world is something you’re particularly proud of, but continuing to tell you how much your life sucks will hardly help you regain confidence in yourself. Rather than obsessively thinking about your problems, learn to focus on possible solutions to those problems.

9. Help someone. It is surprising how the most anxious and insecure people are always focused on themselves, while the more serene and self-assured ones take care of others. I do not say you have to turn yourself into a volunteer for Africa, but instead of always being crying about yourself, genuinely worry about others, listen to them and try to help them. ” André, I always worry about others, but it’s the others who do not care about me! How I can not stand this sentence! To help someone just because we wait for someone to spare is something terribly hypocritical and selfish. Help someone disinterested.

10. Read. How many books do you read in a year? 10? 5? 1? None?! Nah, the instructions of the Ikea do not count. There are at least 5 good reasons to read 52 books a year, but numbers aside, more laws and more ideas developments. The more ideas you develop and the more projects you realize. The more you realize and the more … you increase trust in yourself.

11. Learn to study. When we are prepared on a topic, we feel confident about ourselves. This is why knowledge improves our self-confidence. Not only that, it also works in reverse: the more we are confident of our means, the better our academic performance. Too often I am contacted by students who spend entire months on the books and then postpone to the last exam session, fearing they are not sufficiently prepared (oops, I caught you!). Do you want to have more confidence in yourself? Get ready. Do you want to be prepared better? Learn to study.

12. Act positively. The “Think Positive” was one of the many torments of personal growth in the 80s and 90s. The truth is that positive thinking does not make a difference. What really makes the difference is acting positively, or acting towards our goals. When you learn to act and act differently from your usual, you become a different person, a safer and more confident person.

13. Stop procrastinating. Do you want to feel better about yourself? Think of one thing you’ve been postponing for too long and do it first thing tomorrow morning.

14. Make up the bed. All goes well André, but what the hell, redo the bed with confidence in themselves ?! To live in a chaotic environment because you are stupid, um … creative, let’s face it. The truth is that we are damn lazy and the more we let ourselves go, the more our self-confidence decreases. Try to redo the bed shortly after you wake up: it’s a simple gesture, but with unexpected implications; there are even those who have revolutionized their lives starting with this gesture.

15. Fake it till you make it. This American saying that literally means “pretend until you succeed” has psychological foundations much more solid than one might think. One of the tricks used in cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy to help those suffering from self-confidence deficiency, but also anxiety and panic attacks, consists precisely in pushing the patient to act as if he did not have any kind of disorder, applying what is called the technique of the “as if”. Think about the person you would like to become from here to 1 year and start acting … “as if” I was already that person. This technique is extremely powerful.

16. Face a situation that makes you uncomfortable. The good coaches would say: “Get out of your comfort zone “. The point is that self-confidence is built layer by layer, remember after memory. We have confidence in ourselves and in our means if we have the memory in our memory of successful situations successfully dealt with. If every time you face an uncomfortable situation, escape (or avoid it as psychologists would say), inevitably your brain begins to convince yourself that you are not able to face that situation: you deny it. As soon as you have the opportunity, gradually face situations that make you uncomfortable. Watch the fear in your eyes and make them understand who is in charge.